“I am all around you, hovering over you even as you seek My Face. I am nearer than you dare believe, closer than the air you breathe. If My children could only recognize My Presence, they would never feel lonely again. I know every thought before you think it, every word before you speak it. My Presence impinges on your innermost being. Can you see the absurdity of trying to hide anything from Me? You can easily deceive other people, and even yourself; but I read you like an open, large-print book.”

Facebook is good and bad.  I have become addicted to Farmville and then went through the 10 step program and deleted it!    I have spouted off my emotional frustrations only to be aggravated by someone else’s spouting off.  I know… crazy but true.  However, after my initial experiences on FB I have tried not to spout too often but be and encouragement or even a comical relief to those that read my statuses.

The other day a good friend of mine posted this quote. 

“What if, you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today? Think about it.”

I am in the habit of praying every night before I go to bed.  That night this was my list in order…
I am thankful for:
1. Husband
2. Children
3. Family
4. Friends 
5. Home
6. Church

Falling asleep shortly thereafter…

And then as I was driving around today listening to the radio it hit me… I forgot to be thankful for MUSIC!  For those of you that know me, I teach private voice and have also directed choirs before.  I love music… it is truly a gift from God or which I am so very thankful!

So, what are you thankful for?

Do you remember junior high?  I do!  It had to be the worst time in my life.  I would be walking down the hall, headed to my locker, and then I saw them.  A group of kids in my class looking at me, laughing and whispering.  Oh, I hated that feeling!  Sometimes I would even hear their whispers, most of which I will not repeat!    I can honestly say that I only had a few real friends.  But that was another time and I really am another person.

I was reminded how whispers impact our lives in Sunday School this past week.  There are so many different kinds of whispers out there.  Whispers like the ones I heard in school, from not so nice peers.  Whispers on television and radio or books and magazines are everywhere.  But the one important whisper we as Christians need to hear is from God.

The video we watched was testimonies of how God had changed people’s lives by one whisper.  It was really nothing new to me.  I had heard that God speaks in a still small voice.  But to hear the people sharing the moments they heard a whisper and how it changed their lives.  I am listening more intently today.

So, if you hear a whisper from God to flee, to change, to go a different direction… Listen, it will change your life!

Have you ever had one of those light bulb moments?  Or even better… instead of a light bulb it was a lighthouse in the midst of a really dark and scary storm.  You are going along with no light in sight.  Feelings of despair, anxiety and fear encompass you.  Then all of the sudden there is a lighthouse.  Your first feeling is one of amazing relief that you can see something.  Woohoo… I am saved!  But right on the heels of that feeling is one of ‘OH MY WORD’, I am gonna hit that big massive rock if I do not do something right now.  That is exactly where I was a few weeks ago!

Being raised a Christian, I have heard all about forgiveness… what it means to be forgiven by a perfect sinless God.  What it means to be wronged and to forgive because you want to be forgiven.   That often forgiveness is a daily routine because of the sins committed against you.  And I have had those moments where the pain inflicted was so great it was paralyzing.    It was not unusual to have to forgive that individual many times a day for years.  With time the pain and hurt subsided and I went about living.

There is a flip side to this. It was ingrained into me  quite often at church in my earlier years.  Being offended or hurt or allowing myself to feel pain was a weakness in my ‘Christian armor’.  That if I was offended or hurt, I was somehow weak and not as strong in my walk as I should be.  I wanted so badly to be perfect, to not be wounded.  I wanted to conquer it all!  The battles that went on in my head!  But, I did get hurt.  I did get offended.  I do have pain.  Don’t we all?  But I became defeated most of the time.   

Back to the ‘lighthouse moment’.   In scripture it says, ‘in a multiple of counselors there is safety’.  So, I have always sought out those closest to me when I just can’t quite figure it out myself.  And trust me… it takes a while for me to ask for help.  However, a few weeks ago I just seemed to be bombarded by so many different things that I was feeling… yes, HOPELESS!  I was crying at almost everything… And that is not something that I do often.. cry that is… Being bombarded, seems to be an occupational hazard!  LOL

Anyway, back on track.  I decided to ask my dear pastor if I could come in and see him.  Now, if you ever want to have some advice… honest advice that comes straight from love, he is your guy! 
Ok, advertisement over!

So our visit was scheduled and I heard something that I have probably heard before, but not in the same way.  I am going to do my best to explain it because it was a life changing, corner turning moment in my life.  A little ‘me’ history first…

When someone wrongs me, hurts me, offends me, ignores me, yells at me, blames me, criticizes me or my kids, etc.  I will automatically start analyzing myself.  What did I do wrong?  Could I have handled the situation differently?  Is this a form of pride in myself that needs to be eradicated?  (remember my upbringing)   But what was pointed out to me was that I was hurt.  I had been wronged.  I had been offended.  Someone had yelled at me.   Do you see my point?  I am imperfect!  I do not handle things perfectly much to my dismay.   I am not suppose to blame myself for being hurt, yelled at, ignored, criticized.
 
One of my assignments was to list the person or persons that had inflicted those particular offenses.   Wow, was that hard!  Because what I found was that my list was a whole lot longer than I thought it would be.  I was remembering hurts from years ago that I just chalked up as my fault.  Amazing… this was not going to take a couple of days but most likely weeks.  Now, if you do not know me this probably sounds horrible.  I am not an unforgiving, grudge holding person.    I love very openly and  I am, to a fault, very loyal.  

LIGHT HOUSE MOMENT… Remember when Stephen was being stoned.   He was asking his heavenly father to forgive them.  But that was not all.  He became kind of like a lawyer.  He pleaded with the Lord not only to forgive them but to take away any consequences (time in jail, hours of community service, needle in their eyes!  )  for the wrongs they were committing.  Did you just get that?   Not only was he forgiving those people that were killing him by throwing anything from rocks to boulders, but asking God to take away their consequences!  I don’t know about you, but there are times when someone has been downright unkind and mean that the verse, “vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord,”  sounds pretty sweet!  “All right Lord, I forgive them, but can you give it to them reallllly good!”  Seriously, I am the only one??  I don’t think so.  Matter of fact, some of you reading this might have asked the Lord to do the same thing to me!  HA! 

Now, I have to say when Pastor Jerry was talking to me about ‘Lawyers for Jesus’, the person that came to mind was not my present source of contention.  It was my husband.  My hubby is a wonderful man, but in the beginning years of marriage there were some painful moments.  I had forgiven him… I love him.  But when I heard that I could go before the courtroom of God and plead that he would receive no consequences, I was euphoric.  I do not know how else to explain the surreal feeling of that moment.  I could not only forgive, but I could ask for his consequences to be taken away.  WOW… Are you saying, “WOW”? 

There is one more HUGE step in this process.   First Stephen asked the Lord to forgive them.  Secondly, he asked that their consequences be taken away.  But lastly, he acknowledged that he would keep the pain, the humiliation, and death.  He would accept the scars.   I would accept the SCARS so that the one that had wronged me could go away ‘Scott Free!’ 

I am still working on my list.  Amazing how many things keep creeping up that I just assumed was me not being a Strong enough Christian.   I have to say that I feel as though I am getting away ‘Scott Free.’  After all, that is exactly what Christ did for me.   He went to the Judge of all mankind and begged for my forgiveness and that I would have no consequences for my sins.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Really, isn’t that what it is all about?  

I have decided to write as much as I can.  I used to love to write… and so I will begin again.  I am a busy home school mom of now 5 children.  My oldest begins Community College in the fall.
So, here is a run down on my very different and unique bunch of kids that I love sooooo much!

Josiah is the oldest.  Currently 17, he thinks he has all the answers but didn’t we all at that age.     He would like to become a policeman.   Becoming a police officer is a bit different than some jobs.  Here in Kansas City you have to be 21 to ‘apply’ for the job.  After you application is accepted you will begin the Academy.  I have heard that roughly 50% if those applicants graduate.  Having some sort of education after high school helps in pay, promotions etc.  Josiah currently believes he hates school… wants nothing to do with it.  My hubby and I have strongly encouraged him to go to school.  He has, as of yesterday, decided that he would like to become an EMT.  This will officially begin next Spring.  So, this semester he will take the necessary Anatomy and Physiology class and hopefully an English Composition class as well.  I believe from down deep that he is a good man struggling to find out who he is and where his place is in this world.  This often comes with head butting  with his parents.  I am excited to see what God has planned for my oldest son’s life!

Son number two is Nate and he just turned 16..  His middle name is Isaac which means ‘laughter’.  He with out a doubt exemplifies his name and then some!  Always wanting to make others laugh, he is the next up and coming Christian comedian.  Well, maybe… Nate is an accomplished trumpeter and my current ‘stupid smart’ child.  School has always come easy for him.  That is why he will be done with his High School journey at 16.  I have no idea where he got his genes…    This year being his last he will be faced with decisions about college and majors.  He has been asked to play in William Jewell College’s orchestra for the year… a pretty big honor to play at only 16. 

Zachary, who is 14,  is my third born,  a very gifted musical and artistic son.  He has his sights set on become an aeronautical engineer.  He is currently saving his mowing money to get his pilot’s license in the next two years.  He is content to draw aircraft, spaceships, and hover crafts on his 3 dimensional computer program his dad got or play the piano trying to conquer yet another piano piece he has found.  Playing the bass guitar in church is also one of he talents.  We bought a used bass a year ago and he has taught himself how to play… like I said, gifted and the skies the limit!

My ‘little Doug’ is Levi.  He is 6′ tall and 13.  His shoe size is a 12.5.  He looks and acts just like his daddy… and they are great pals.  Whenever Doug needs a helping hand Levi is always right there ready to help.  He was driving our tractor at the age of 9 and did it splendidly!  He is our in-house drum player.  At first I was not sure if the child even had rhythm… but his instructor is amazing because my boy is a bonafide drummer!  George is his best friend and our family chocolate lab/golden retriever mix.  Levi is not sure what he wants to do with his life… but he is extremely gifted in math and loves working with his hands.

Joy Louise is my 12 year old daughter going on 21.  She is turning into a beautiful young lady.  This year she has tackled one of the hardest instruments to play, the violin.  We have committed to taking lessons for a year and then see how we feel about it at that time.  She enjoys swimming and reading.  She want to become a doctor some day… we will see if she carries that into high school when the classes get a bit harder!   Joy is looking forward to babysitting in the very near future.  Her love for children is great!  Maybe a pediatrician??

Emma  Beth is my baby girl.  She will be turning 11 in just a couple of weeks.  She was Molly Malloy in a play this summer and in my humble opinion stole the show, quite the drama queen!  She loves being with friends, reading and swimming.    She will begin piano lessons again with our pastor’s wife this week.  I have always thought she had much music talent and ability.    I am hoping that she will blossom and charge ahead… maybe even pick up the guitar! 

Last but not least is my dear hubby, Doug.  He has been my anchor, steadfast and even keel.  I cannot imagine life with out him.  We have definitely had our bumps and pot holes and even major storms, but God is faithful to keep us together in the midst of all that!  He has been an amazing daddy since the very beginning… changing diapers, cleaning up puke, going to the playground, washing dishes, cleaning house… I could go on!  He has prayed with all of our children before they go to bed almost every night.  He has been through cancer and Grave’s disease and he is only 39.  What an amazing man I have!!
 

So this is us!  My family, we are.  So far from perfect but waking up every day and trying again to do that which is good and acceptable in the sight of the Lord.    I think now you will have a better understanding of whom I will be talking about with their descriptions readily available.

That is enough for today… I am hoping to write at least weekly and keep a blog going about me and my family!

Blessings to all of you!!

Outside My Window- There is lots and lots of snow and more to come.  We have been blessed with beautiful snowfall this last week.  And although I do not like the cold, it is so much better with fluffy snowflakes falling from the sky.

Around The House- I three girls in the basement painting their nails.  I just gave all three of them highlights and haircuts.  They are turning into young ladies!

I Am Praying- For so many things right now.  We are in the process of purchasing a house.  It is a to good to be true kind of deal.  So, I am just thinking it is a ‘God-thing’… otherwise, I cannot explain why we are getting our dream home for $40,000 less than it could sell for.  It is a foreclosure, but other than putting a new water heater in it and doing some cleaning it is in move in condition. 

I am also praying for my oldest son as he decides where he is to attend college and what his major will be.  There is also a girl in his life.  Miss Audrey is a sweetie… but they are just teens… so, praying that they will be patient and finish college before they take the big dive! 

I Am Wearing- A grape colored short sleeve sweater with my favorite jeans.  I also bought a pair of cute shoes for $12 today… so so cute!    I love deals!!!

I Am Creating- I am trying to figure out what accent color I want in my living room.  So, I have been to JoAnn’s fabrics looking for material for pillows.  I am just going to cover some that I already have.  I have the paint picked out that we will be using for the majority of the house.  So grateful that someone is going to pay for the labor to paint the inside… the ceiling is at least 16′ tall in the living room… And I do not want to be on the ladder! 

From The Kitchen- Went shopping for groceries today.  I work really hard at shopping the weekly adds and fixing my menu according.  Cooking for 8 people gets rather expensive at times.  Especially since 7 of them eat like adults!  But this week I found some places to get coupons online.  I spent under $300 but saved $250… almost got 50% off… But so worth the time on the internet to save that kind of money!    And I only bought things that we use… Promise!

For dinner???? Not sure!  Probably pizza from Papa Murphy’s cuz Mama is pooped from saving all that money! 

I Am Enjoying- Candles, bubble baths, and home cooked comfort foods!    I love spending time with my family and friends!  It will be a busy year and a year for change!

This is a Monday for change.  Our message at church yesterday was making a difference for the New Year.  Granted the focus was on our spiritual growth individually.  The guest speaker did not even talk about our difference in others lives.  However, if our walk with God is what it is suppose to be then all other things fall into place.  I have found it hard to focus on my personal walk because of the busyness of my life.  Homeschooling my six children, teaching private voice, teaching at our homeschool coop, cooking three meals a day for 7-8 people, getting Josiah reading for graduation in May, getting ready to possibly move in the next month, etc… I am busy.  But while at a Christian book store a couple months ago, the title of a devotional hit me between the eyes.  “Sit Still and Let Your Pedicure Dry”.  I know, sounds kind of silly, simple… but for me, it was a sledge hammer between the eyes.  Often my ‘get-away’ from it all is a bubble bath with a glass of ice cold tea.  I bought that book and I keep it on the edge of my tub.  I will read it until I calm down… that may take one or ten of the devotionals but it works! 

And then my heart is going out to my dear sweet sis-in-law.  My nephew leaves for the Coast Guard boot camp today.  Don’t get me wrong… she is one of the strongest ladies I know.  But this is her first born… he is heading out into the world to do his thing.  What God has made him to do.  And waiting on the other side is his sweet Fiance Maggie.  So much change beginning on this day.

The house we have a contract on could not be more perfect.  I am so glad that my hubby has fallen in love with it even more than me.  Leaving the property was so very hard for him.  But now we wait to make sure everything goes through.  Technically, there is NO reason at this point that it should not go through but, we were here a little over a year ago and for a reason not having anything to do with us the contract fell through.  So,  the fears have begun.  Furniture has already been placed in my mind.  Paint color has already been picked out.  We took the children to go and see the place yesterday.  BUT… I know, I know I know that God already knows where we will be in a few months.  So, I am trying to rest in that promise.  I am trying to rest that God will provide and take care of all of us.

Now, I am thinking of my oldest son.  This is a year of change for him.  He now has a sweet girlfriend.  A little early for my time table but we have already established that my time table is not God’s    He is graduating in May.  He has two college track coaches that are interested in his running.  And I know he will end up at the perfect college for him to direct him to where he is suppose to go and what he was meant to be.  But still there are the fears… I pray for wisdom and peace for him.  I pray that the way will be made clear and not confusing.  I pray that he will succeed at whatever he chooses to do…

So all in all… my time for change?  I am going to trust in the God of the Universe to support all of us right now.  Because He alone knows the outcome of all of these issues, problems, questions, events… He loves me.  He will take care of me and my own.

So here is to a time for Trusting!

God Bless!!!

Thanks for reading my ramblings this most beautiful Monday morning in Missouri!

I have some very wise friends!  And I truly, for the most part, love facebook because of all that I glean from such godly wise women.  I love how God has peppered my life with such genuine sweet souls! 

As mentioned in some previous blogs… getting stressed out comes pretty naturally for me!  HA!  And I have really tried the last few weeks to prioritize by date of happening.  This has helped me immensely!!!!

But as God always does… he decided to test me… once again!  But gave me something from a special friend just a few days after… and I wanted to share it all with you!  

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past … we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitu de.” - Chuck Swindoll

It is amazing how much this helped me!  And it is sooooooo very true!  Whether we are in a place we love or hate.  Whether we are having to leave or lose something very special to us.  Whether our children choose a path we do or do not desire.  I still hold fast to the FACT that God is was and will be in my life.  He has always been there and has already been where I am going.  There is a calm and quiet peace that come with that blessing from Him!

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

So have a very blessed Christmas Holiday… remember who is still on His Magnificent Throne!  And now I am done preaching! 

Lots of Love, Cari

What I am listening too:  Silence… how very sweet!

What I am thinking:  That God will provide a place to live for us… because he has already been there!

What is for dinner:  Probably cream of potato soup with crackers and cheese.

What to do today:  I am going to take my ever growing daughters shopping!  I need to make the program for my concert on Friday.  We are finishing up school for the semester, catching up on some history and finishing Math strong!

What I am excited for:  My Christmas guests!!!  Shopping for my family!  Caroling… I love to sing!  A lot of things really!

What I am praying for:  That God would move in a mighty way in my children’s lives.  That they would not be distracted unless they are suppose to be!  LOL  Praying for my husband to have peace about the changes that will happen very soon in our lives.  Praying that my priorities stay intact and that I will not be swayed by other people’s opininons.

The weather:  Cold and sunny… really rather beautiful especially since I am in my recliner with a fuzzy blanket!

Enough for now my friends!  I have stuff to do today!

AROUND THE HOUSE:  Lots of stuff that needs picked up.  But we are taking the week off from school!  A much needed break!

WHAT i AM LISTENING TO:  Levi playing his birthday Car Racing Game… reminds me of naptime on Sundays watching (lol) Nascar! 

I AM READING:  I need to read and grade the term papers… and the grocery adds.  Not reading a book at this time!

ON THE AGENDA:  Finishing my menu for the next two weeks, grading papers, my Thanksgiving menu, RELAXING!

I AM THINKING:  That I love my husband and kids so much!  I am so blessed!  And that my hubby is bringing home Chinese… woohoo!

COMING SOON:  Family for Christmas!  SO very excited about that!

PRAYING:  For wisdom for my children, where we are suppose to live, health 

SCRIPTURE FOR THE DAY:  1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust . 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust : his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet . 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high , because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.